Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA

Days before he was set to relocate to Denver for work, four-year Chicago resident Paul Marsden lamented Wednesday that he never really took the time to detest the city he called home for nearly half a decade. 

Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion
Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video/